Before you write ...
I like to hear from people with whom I share similar interests. And if they write me with interesting questions, I'm flattered that they would ask me. I only ask that they make an effort to find the answer on their own before they write me. Some people haven't. I'm sure they were very busy and the work of searching for information on the WWW seems daunting. I can sympathize with them. I'm distracted by numerous projects that need my attention as well.
But quite often they could have found the answers with just a little effort. The answers were readily available on my website or elsewhere on the World Wide Web. I've built my website for easy navigation and for quick retrieval of information. It just takes a little investment of time and effort to find it -- not much more than the effort it takes to find my e-mail address and write me.
Frequently Asked Questions
Here's a list of my most frequently asked questions and the locations of my answers:
- Is there a group in my area? http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/groups.cfm
- Can you find me a partner? (No. But with a little effort you might find one for yourself.) http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/date00.cfm
- How do I do I find a partner safely? http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/safenote.cfm
- How do I dominate my partner? ("SEND ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT DOMINATION QUICKLY! I'VE JUST COLLORED A SUBMISSIVE AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!") http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/openlttr.cfm
- How should I behave in the scene? http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/protocol.cfm
- What do all these terms mean? http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/terms.cfm
- Is BDSM Abusive? (Sometimes yes. Sometimes no.) http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/abuse00.cfm
- Where can I find out more about BDSM? http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/book.cfm
While I'm not claiming they're the final word, these articles and resources cover a lot of ground. They're meant to address the major issues that concern people in the scene -- particularly novices. It's easier for me to write on a subject in depth one time and post it on my website then to answer the same question in email numerous times.
However if you've searched my site and can't get a specific question answered, please write me. I'll try my best to answer your question as long as it's not something I've already posted a page about. If it's sometime I've already addressed I'll send a short, friendly reply with the URL.
Now I can't included everything about BDSM on my site. If you can't find what you're looking for on my website or on any of the links I've included on the website then visit my Search Engine page at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/search.cfm
New to BDSM with Lots of Questions
If you are new to the scene and have many questions, I suggest you ...
- Buy a good book on the subject (see http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/book.cfm )
- Go through the rest of my site. It might answer questions you didn't know you had.
- Attend a S&M 101 class or weekend conference. Many groups offer S&M 101 classes at regular intervals and weekend conferences take place through out the year. You can find a list of weekend conferences at http://www.nla-austin.org/cal.html
- Read and post to soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm and other Usenet news groups. (see http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/usenet.cfm ) You'll find a variety of answers and opinions -- which can often be a good thing.
That said, if your real reason for writing is to start a conversation because you're new to the scene and you want to know someone who's friendly, knowlegable, and safe, then write to me to say "i'm new," mention where you live, and tell me more about your self. (Please note that I am not looking for a partner but I'd be happy to expend a reasonable effort at welcoming novices to the scene.)
Again, I enjoy hearing from other people in the scene and I understand that a lot of novices are nervous and uncertain. If you have a question for which you can't seem to find an answer, go ahead and write me. I won't bite -- unless you ask very nice and I decide I like you.
Chat via Instant Messenger:
If you want to communicate in real time your best bet is to send me an email to set an appointment to chat via an Instant Messenger program. I rarely use IM unless I'm going to chat with a specific someone at a specific time. I just don't IM causually. (For more information on privacy visit my Privacy Page.)
Update: I haven't been able to get my original Yahoo Instant Messenger account (ambrosio_sa) to work in over two years. Whenever I try to sign in I get the following error message:
I've followed the link and signed in but theres no option to "correct the problem." I don't know what the problem is and Yahoo Tech Support is non-existent. If you've tried to reach me through that IM account (ambrosio_sa) and I haven't responded it's because it haven't been able to IM through that account in a few years.
However, there are three alternatives ways to reach me through "real time" electronic communication -- chat or IM:
- I attend the #KY BDSM chat nearly every wednesday night. (See the KY BDSM IRC page for details.)
- I've created a new Yahoo profile that has worked (so far): evil_monk_ky. (But drop me a note if you try to add me to your budies list otherwise it will be a long wait.)
- I have a web based "chat room" that works and I can arrange a meeting there.
In conclussion: I rarely use IM unless I'm going to chat with a specific someone at a specific time.
PGP Public Key:
Pretty Good Privacy is a freeware program for encrypting your mail. I've used it a few times. If your have a copy and if you really think it's necessary to encrypt your email before sending it to me, I can send you my public PGP key.
Thinking of sending me a photo? Here's my advice in general: Don't send attachments to someone without getting their permission first. When someone sends me a binary picture without asking before hand -- even if I happen to like it -- my impression of the sender suffers a little bit. How do they know I don't have a 14.4 modem and it takes me half an hour to down load photos? What if it's something I don't want to see? (Sorry guys I don't want to see your hairy ass.) So please ask me before you send it. If it happens to be a beautiful naked woman, chances are I'll be very willing to receive it -- but ask anyway.
Unless they are clerical jokes or pertain to BDSM, please don't send me jokes, advertisements, virus alerts, or petitions. Anything that you choose to forward, please trim the emails so that I don't have to scroll several screen before I get to the content.
Except for spam and abusive threats, I try to answer all my email -- eventually. If you've written me and you've never received a reply, it's most likely for three very simple reasons:
- You have set your email preferences to filter out spam and the filtering program or service has misidentified me as a spammer. This happens a lot with AOL. (see the "Spam from Me?" section below.)
- Your "reply to" address doesn't work. More often than you'd expect I get emails from people (sometimes desperate for advice) but when I reply, my messages bounce back as undeliverable. email@example.com sent me a blank message. When I wrote her back for clarification the message was undeliverable. If you've written me and you haven't even gotten a courtesy reply from me try this: Send yourself a test message and reply to it. If your reply to your test message bounces back from the server with an error message saying the message was undeliverable then you need to call your ISP's help desk to help you fix your email settings.
- I messed up. I intended to write you back but I got distracted and lost track of your email.
Spam from Me?
Let me make this crystal clear: I don't send spam. If you think you're receiving unsolicited commercial email from me there are three possible explanations:
- If you're getting my "Ambrosio BDSM News" emails, you might have subscribed to that mailing list and replied to the confirmation message. If you don't want those mailings then you can send an email to the "unsubscribe email address" listed at the bottom of the message. Don't send me a message asking me to remove you from the mailing list. That is very time consuming and I'm a very busy person. It's just as easy for you to send an email to the "unsubscribe email address" as it is to send me a curt note ordering me to unsubscribe you. It's also more efficient, effective, and polite.
- If you've received a personal ad from me then most like you've subscribed to the "BDSM Texas Personals Mailing List" a long time ago. It's a rarely used mailing list and I think I'm the only subscriber who actually posts to it. If you don't want those mailings, simply send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org .
- If you're getting obvious spam that appears to come from one of my email addresses, before you report me as an abusive spammer, please consider that my email address has been "spoofed" -- faked by a spammer who wishes to hide his identity by replacing his "from" address and "reply to" address with mine. In August 2003 I received bounced emails of messages that I had never sent to addresses I didn't recognize. They contained subject headers such as "Great deals," "Rx Center," "Med source," "We can ship right to your door," "Home shopping pharmacy," "Discount scripts," "We Can Help Your Debt Problems!," "Free Debt Review," and "we value you." I never sent those messages but apparently they had my email address in the "reply to" header. For more information about spoofing and spam and how to deal with them please visit http://email.about.com/cs/spamgeneral/a/spam_headers.htm, http://support.earthlink.net/support/TUTORIALS/email/mbx_interpret_headers.jsp, and specific instructions for viewing email headers in different email programs at http://start.earthlink.net/cgi-bin/htsearch?words=View+and+Forward+Email+Headers. If you're going to report this spam to your ISP or my ISP, please be sure to include all the headers. They will indicate from where the spam originated.
Just For Spam-Mongers
Please don't send me any unsolicited commercial emails. If you must, use these email addresses:
Spambots are computer programs that browse the web looking for email addresses to add to spam databases. Why am I suggesting that spambots use these addresses?
- email@example.com and firstname.lastname@example.org are addresses that return email back to the original sender even when the spamers are using a fake return address. (Or so I've read. I haven't tested it successfully myself. My ISP's Remote SMTP server has rejected the addresses with an explanation that I'm not allowed to use them.) Since I don't use my browser's built in email client, I have one of these addresses listed in my preferences. If any website snatches the address from my browser, it won't work.
- I'm listing email@example.com and firstname.lastname@example.org, so that the spamers save me the trouble of my reporting them to my ISP.
- Netemail@example.com is an email address for the Internal Revenue Service. Send them any hair brained get rich schemes and pyramid scams. They'd be more interested than I would.
- The FTC's e-mail address for consumers to use in reporting and forwarding unwanted spam e-mail is firstname.lastname@example.org .
One Last Note
For many years I used an email form for users to send me emails. Severtal months ago it stopped working. My current web host insisted that there was nothing wrong with the form and that the program was working properly even though I couldn't send myself any messages.
I apologize if you've tried to contact me through the form in the past and I never replied. Chances are I never received the email.
Until I find the time to find a new web host that supports ColdFusion, I'm using an old fashion mailto link to let people send me messages.