Ambrosio's BDSM Site >> Manners & Traditions >> "Play Nice: Some Notes on Scene Etiquette and Leather Protocol"

These are guidelines for polite behavior in the BDSM scene. It's based on observations, personal experiences, conversations with peers, mailing list & newsgroup postings,
workshops, web pages, magazine articles, books, and personal mistakes. While some items of higher protocol are covered, these notes are mainly to address the most common social situations.

Play Nice: Some Notes on Scene
Etiquette and Leather Protocol

Version 2.09
By Ambrosio

Version 1.00 first posted May 31, 1999
Version 2.00 first posted May 31, 2005

(formerly entitled "Basic Protocol and Etiquette"
and "Some Notes on Basic Protocol and Etiquette")

This article is dedicated to Beverly M. from Austin

Part 7 of 7:
In Closing

C O N T E N T S

In Closing

Summary
Further Reading and Sources

Reposting Requirements

In Closing

Summary

In summary -- play nice. BDSM is about playing games, and in the best games everyone has fun.

Further Reading and Sources

This article is only meant to be a starting point. For further study here are books and links:

Further Reading Etiquette in General

Etiquette by Emily Post: This is an online republication of the 1922 edition of Emily Post's 627-page first edition Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home (The 1922 edition is the most highly recommended book for High Procotol.)

U. S. Flag Protocol (Title 4)

George Washington's "Rules of Civility and Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation"

Cardinal Newman On Being a Gentleman

Passage from Jane Austen's Northhanger Abbey

Further Reading on Etiquette and Protocol in a BDSM and Leather Context

The Manners and Traditions Section of "Ambrosio's BDSM Site" at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/manners.cfm

"Etiquette for the Scene" by Rose at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/etiquette.cfm

"Civility and Incivility in the Scene" by Chris M [Black Rose of Washington DC] at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/chrism01.cfm

"A Proposed 'Pansexual Protocol'" by Ambrosio at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/ppp.cfm

"To Share or Not to Share?" by Rowan Ste. Julian at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/share.cfm

"Commandments: Ten Rules for Dominants / Ten Rules for Submissives" (from the SOJ) at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/t10c.cfm

A Leather Bar Hanky Code at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/hankcode.cfm

For further reading, there is an etiquette guide for alternative sexuality and lifestyle situtations including but not limited to BDSM: Campbell, Drew, The Bride Wore Black Leather ... and he looked fabulous! Greenery Press: Emeryville, 2000.

Links About the Old Guard

More on the "Old Guard"

The Old Guard History, Origins and Traditions By Guy Baldwin, M.S. (from The Ties That Bind)

Old Guard? If You say so. By Joseph W. Bean

The Myth of the Old Guard By Jack Rinella from his Leather Views site.

Old Guard, New Guard By Gayle Rubin

Multiple Tops: Master, Mistress and Daddy Makes Three By Master L.J.E. An Old Guard view of 'Net Generation polyamoury.

Marginalia on the Old Guard, Leather Traditions, and BDSM History By Ambrosio

Rover's column in the December 1973 issue of California Scene Magazine: Earliest documented use of the phrase "old guard" in a Leather context.

"Old Guard" Links on the Manners and Traditions page.

Acknowledgments (Additional Sources)

Mistress Constance: A Lecture on Etiquette at the PEER TNG Tea Party. January 24, 2004
Townsend, Larry. The Leatherman's Handbook: The Silver Jubilee Edition (Masquerade Books: New York, 1997) Introductions by Jack Fritscher, Ph.D., Victor Terry, and John Preston

Even More BDSM Etiquette, Scene Traditions, and Leather Protocol Links

Please see http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/manners.cfm

Polite Behavior for Vampyres

"The Black Veil V.2: A Voluntary Code of Conduct for Vampyres/Vampires" by Michelle Belanger at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/blackveil.cfm

Related Articles by Ambrosio

"Meeting Someone Else into BDSM" at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/advice.cfm
"Some Notes on Safety for Meeting Online and Off" at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/safenote.cfm
"An Open Letter to a Novice Domme" at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/openlttr.cfm
"Perverted Vocabulary: a Glossary of Terms Used in BDSM" at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/terms.cfm
"Some Notes on Netiquette and 'Net Basics" at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/noteneti.cfm
"Marginalia on the Old Guard, Leather Traditions, and BDSM History" at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/notetrad.cfm
"A Proposed 'Pansexual Protocol'" at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/ppp.cfm

Recommended Books

Campbell, Drew and Donna Barr The Bride Wore Black Leather ... And He Looked Fabulous!: An Etiquette Guide for the Rest of Us. (Greenery Press: Emeryville, 2000.)
This book includes some information on Leather protocol but that is not its main focus. It covers a wide spectrum of alternative lifestyles including but not limited to Pagan, Wiccan, Gay, Lesbian, Transgendered, and Polyamorous. Buy it on Amazon.com
Post, Emily. Etiquette: The Blue Book of Social Usage
(The 1922 edition is the most highly recommended book for High Procotol. It's available on-line at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/epost.cfm)
Schwartz, Oretha D., Service Etiquette 4th edition.
The definitive book on U.S. military protocol and etiquette. Buy it on Amazon.com
Townsend, Larry The Leatherman's Handbook: Silver Jubilee Edition. (Larry Townsend Publishing: 2000)
Both a historical document about the Gay Leather scene in the 1970s and also a useful guide to the leather lifestyle. Buy it on Amazon.com

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Reposting Requirements

You're free to copy, distribute, and re-post this article for non-commercial use, provided you:

Post it in its entirety including the copyright notice and dedication. Graphic images are optional.
Credit me properly,
Include a working hyperlink to my website at the bottom of the article, and
Write me via email with the details (including the URL of the posting.) Use the email address listed at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/email.cfm but please don't post my email address. (I've gone to a lot of trouble to hide it from spammers.)