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Safecall Guide and Outline

posted and edited with permission from the author

Sir Bamm has been involved in WIITWD since approximately 1980. Limiting focus to the past decade, Bamm was involved in the formation of the Safe, Sane, and Consensual Network (SSCN) in NC and was on the original Board of Directors for that group. In 2000, he received a Merlin Award for Leather Activism.  He has served as the DM Captain for SSCN and for the School for Austin Area Dominants Education (SAADE). For a short time Bamm was on the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF)'s Incident Response Team, served as the Group With No Name (GWNN)'s DM Captain and in 2001 and 2002 he served on GWNN's Election Committee.

In 2002, he became the Chief Security Officer for SAADE and became a member of the SAADE Council, where he has also established the DM Certification Program for SAADE and the DM "Train the Trainers" program. Bamm served as a Mentor in the Austin Mentor's Program from 2001-2003. He has also had the privilege of being asked to give presentations on Old Style Submission, Signal Whips, Dungeon Monitoring, Negotiations and other topics at such groups as SSCN, SAADE, SAS/M, TOL, ALE, TLP and the Kinky Aggies.

Bamm presently holds certifications as a CPR instructor, a HazMat Technician, an Advanced Firefighter and as an EMT.  He has a Master's Degree in Religion and is the Training Officer for two organizations he currently belongs to and the captain of a local fire department. He is in an open, poly relationship with his 24/7 slave, terri, and can easily be approached for demonstrations, presentations, conversations or negotiations at .

His web site is at http://www.SirBamm.com.

What you should know about Safecalls

Safecalls is another subject that gets mentioned, but doesn't get discussed in detail. I've received such good input that it became necessary to give this subject its' own page.

In this day and age of internet anonymity and kidnappings shielded by claims of consensual S/m play, a safecall is an important tool. A tool to be used when meeting someone new, someone for the first time, or someone met through an internet encounter.

What Is a Safecall?
A Safecall is a person who you trust, who you can give information to about the who, what and where's of your meeting, who will keep up with you in case of an emergency.

Who Needs a Safecall?
Anyone who is meeting someone for the first time or anyone getting together with someone they met at a munch, party or meeting that they are going to have their first private encounter with.

But I'm a Big, Bad Dom Type
How do you know that the 5'2", 110 lb. blonde you got a picture of on the internet is not really four drunken hillbilly rednecks that enjoy beating the shit out of "perverts and queers?"
There's no way that I believe that everyone I spoke with on the internet is exactly who they claim to be. Do you?

Who Should You Pick to be Your Safecall?
Anyone that you trust. Someone that will be there for you and is not afraid to call 911. Someone who is smart enough to realize that all encounters don't end up good.

What information should You give Your Safecall person?
When meeting someone over the internet, you already have their screen name.
Get the full name of the person you are going to meet.
Get their phone number
Their driver's license number
Their address
Place of employment

Some people may or may not want to give out all of this information.
Remember: If something goes really wrong, someone needs to know how to find you. People who are not willing to give most of this information, probably have something to hide.

Once I Have This Information, What Do I Do?
Before meeting with the new person, set up your Safecall. Give the Safecall person all the information you have gathered. Also, set up a code phrase, in case things get out of hand and there's no way for you to tell that to your Safecall person without giving it away. Something simple, like "Yes, my mother knows." It's obscure and doesn't sound to the abuser like a negative statement.
As soon as you meet with the person, call your Safecall. Tell them you've arrived, and make sure they have the information.
Call again two hours later to let them know you are still safe. (Meals and idle chit chat don't usually last more than two hours).
If you met at a restaurant and leave to go to their house, or somewhere else, call again with the new location. It also provides a time line. Again make sure your Safecall has the information.
Call again in two hours. Either you are about to play or have finished a two hour session. Either way, two hours is a good limit for a first encounter. Any worthwhile Dom or sub should respect that.
If you are staying, call again in two hours. If you plan on sleeping there, let your Safecall know and be sure to call before going to bed and upon waking up. If you're going to a motel, call once you get there.
If you give the new person the name and room number of the hotel, be sure to call your Safecall every 2 hours until you go to bed and again when you wake up. Just because a person is sweet and polite at the restaurant or their house, doesn't mean they're not opportunists. Bundy and Dahmer were charming!
Most first time encounters end up fine. Maybe the people don't get along, but it is not dangerous for either participant. However, the ones that do end up bad, end up very bad. As we always say in the SSC lifestyle, "Err on the side of caution." It's always better to be safe than sorry...or dead. BDSM is NOT abuse.
I'm not making judgment calls on sleeping with people you've just met, only to say to remember to practice safer sex if you choose to engage in that behavior with a brand new partner that you just met.

What If I Don't Know Anyone Who Can Be My Safecall?
One good resource for finding people who have been in the lifestyle for a while and are willing to be Safecalls, even for strangers, is The National Safecall Network (http://www.dungeonrealm.com/safecalls.html) NOTE: The URL is not available at this time, for some reason. When it becomes available, again, I will relink it. - Bamm!

What a Safecall Person Does

What should the Safecall Person Know or Do?
There are any number of different items that could be useful in helping someone to meet with a new partner. When a person writes to you to ask you to be their Safecall, if you are not sure you can do it, point them towards someone who can.

I used to think that if they would not follow these guidelines to the letter, than I would not be there Safecall.
However, when a person most needs Me is not the time to stand on ceremony or pride. Whatever you can get is better than not getting anything if, god forbid, something should go awry.

Have the person writing to you give you their phone number, and give them a call. You need to protect yourself, as well.

Tell them that they should get certain information from the person they are going to meet. These things are listed above and outlined in the template below.

Tell them to give this information to you, too.

Once you have this information, try to get an idea of what they are planning on doing, where they are planning on going and how long it is supposed to last.
Have a notebook available to write this information down next to their other information.
If they are willing, help them set up a plan if they don't already have one.
Once you have done this, get their name and address.
Ask for pictures of one or both people, if possible, should the need to give this information to the authorities arise.
Come up with a code phrase, such as, "Yes, my mother knows". It's obscure enough not to raise suspicion and doesn't sound to the abuser like a negative comment or statement.

If you hear the code phrase, call 911.
Do not attempt to go and save the person yourself.
If your caller fails to make contact at a specified time, assume the worst and notify police.

Most meetings go off without a hitch. Most times you will feel almost bored by the monotony of the calls. Usually, if nothing else, you will gain another friendship through the conversations.

A template for you to use is below. Leave room for other information you may be able to gather and feel free to copy and paste the template for you to use in your notebook.

  1. Caller's Name:
  2. Caller's Address:
  3. Caller's Phone number:
  4. Caller's Driver's License number:
  6. Other Person's Name:
  7. Other Person's Address:
  8. Other Person's Phone number:
  9. Other Person's Driver's License number:
  10. Other Person's References:
  11. Other Person's Place of employment:
  13. Code Phrase:
  14. Time of meeting:
  15. Place of meeting:
  16. Date of meeting:
  18. 2nd Time of meeting:
  19. 2nd Place of meeting:
  21. 3rd Time of meeting:
  22. 3rd Place of meeting:
  24. Time of 1st Check in:
  25. Time of Next Check in:
  26. Time of Next Check in:
  27. Time of Next Check in:
  28. Time of Next Check in:
  30. Time date completed:
  31. Notes:

Thank you for being a part of this important endeavor.

© 2003

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Further Reading on Relationships

If you are new to this lifestyle, you might benefit from reading some of these articles.

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