BDSM vs. Abuse

by Sir Bamm!

posted and edited with permission from the author

 

Safe, sane and consensual play is the standard of the organized SM community; it relies on the use of a "safeword" that allows the bottom to stop the action at any time. Without informed consent, it is not SM, it is abuse.

SM always requires free, informed consent of all parties involved. A propensity to violence is therefore a fallacy, since the only time we engage in SM behavior is with our partners.

SM partners take great care to make sure that their activities are as safe as possible. SM does not feel like it looks.

SM partners do not have to apologize to each other. Instead, they are happy and satisfied. Unlike abuse or violence, where one party has not given informed consent to the activity. Children cannot give informed consent, therefore are never a part of SM activity.

SM happens in the context of an erotic relationship. Just as context helps differentiate between an organized boxing match and a street brawl.

Technical reference material and participation in organized groups provide the tell-tale signs for differences between SM and violence or abuse.

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Probable Cause or Consensual BDSM

Tell tale signs of the differences between Probable Cause and Consensual BDSM:

1. Signs of significant preparation. e.g.. Adult toys, music, bondage furniture, lubricants and safety supplies.
2. Restraints. Abusers tend to restrain their victims with fear and intimidation, not safety clips and quick releases.
3. We call 911 in a medical emergency, not when there are loud noises.
4. The availability of mentors, reference materials and technical guides.

NOTE: The above information was gathered from the NCSF Law Enforcement Information Project of Consensual SM Activities. The purpose of which is to provide law enforcement with a basic understanding about adults whose sexuality and lovemaking includes SM activities and to provide them with information to assist when they encounter an SM event.

To further the idea of the differences between SM and abuse, I found other information that may also be useful when dealing with LE.

1. SM rarely results in facial marks or marks that are received on the forearms (defensive marks).
2. There is usually an even pattern of marks if it is SM, indicating the bottom held quite still during the stimulation.
3. The marks are often quite well-defined when inflicted by a toy like cane or whip, whereas in abuse there are blotches of soft-tissue bruising, randomly distributed.
4. The common areas for SM stimulation is on the buttocks, thighs, back, breasts, or the genitals. The fleshy parts of the body can be stimulated intensely and pleasurably.

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Two Definitions of Abuse

"An abusive relationship is one in which substantial physical, mental, or emotional harm is inflicted, that is not temporary in nature, and is not clearly compensated for by positive and loving experiences over a long period of time." -- by louise, 1997

"Acts inflicted on a person without their freely given consent." -- Leather Leadership Conference III, Statement on Abuse, San Francisco, April 16-18,1999

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D/s or Abuse?

This article is partially based on material produced by:
American National Leather Association
Dutch S&M Media Information Center
POWERotics

Feel free to redistribute, but please make reference to these sources:
Resources:

Safe Link
c/o The Domestic Violence Education Project
National Leather Association
548 Castro Street #444
San Francisco, CA 99114
1 415 863 2444>/p?

Gay and Lesbian Anti-Violence Project
Hotline: 212 807 0197
647 Hudson Street
New York NY 10014

Kink Aware Professionals
DSAbuse
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1 800 799 7233

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SSC

And since we say, "Safe, Sane and Consensual" so often, I figured I'd give you some background to what that means.

The community-wide standard of "Safe, Sane and Consensual" was codified more than ten years ago.

1. Safe is being knowledgeable about the techniques and safety concerns involved in what you are doing, and acting in accordance with that knowledge.
   This includes protection against HIV, STDs, and hepatitis. It also includes notifying your partner of any physical condition that may impact on the scene, like asthma, bad back, epilepsy, etc. It also includes psychological safety, such as you were abused as a child and don't like a particular part of your body touched.
   The SM community concerns itself with safety issues by supporting educational and social organizations that teach people the proper way to use their equipment. Such as: how to tie wrists without putting pressure on the insides; how to properly clean equipment; which areas on the body are unsafe to stimulate.
2. Sane is knowing the difference between fantasy and reality, and acting in accordance with that knowledge.
   Sane includes being of clear mind, and the community strongly recommends that mind-altering substances should be avoided during a scene that impair judgment.
3. Consensual is respecting the limits imposed by each participant at all times. One of the recognized ways to maintain limits is through the "safeword" .
   If it's nonconsensual, then it's abuse or assault. SM must be consensual.

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RACK

Another alternative for Safe, Sane and Consensual, is Risk Aware Consensual Kink, or RACK. RACK is used by some internet-based players, by those who don't necessarily agree with the subjectivity of Safe, Sane and Consensual, and certain others. Some people who are extremely"edgy" in their play habits also admit that they use the term "Risk Aware Consensual" in place of SSC. RACK's main focus is on pre-negotiation with detailed informed consent, rather than the focus on the safety issues at hand. Those involved in these risky play behaviors, consider themselves well educated enough that they are willing to overlook certain safety precautions in order to enjoy the pain and the danger. RACK assumes better negotiations, as well as more detailed informed consent, than concern over the safety of the play. Most well established BDSM groups, clubs and private parties consider SSC much more appropriate for SM play than RACK.

To determine if informed consent has been reached, you can ask the following questions:

1. Was informed consent expressly denied or withdrawn? (similar to rape standards, if one of the participants withdraws consent during the activity, that must be respected)
2. Were there factors that negated the informed consent? (alcohol impairment, drug use, underage participants)
3. What is the relationship of the participants? (first encounter or long-term partner?)
4. What was the nature of the activity? (did it cause permanent harm, was it unsafe, was it enjoyable?)
5. What was the intent of the accused abuser? (to cause pleasure, to gain dominance, to hurt?)

The above information was gathered from various sources, including Tammad Rimilia's web site.

 

[WEBMASTER'S NOTE: Sir Bamm!'s orginal version of this article included the full text of "Sadomasochism Isn't What It Used to Be" by Keith L. Kendrick, R.N., C.H. That article is located at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/why-sm.cfm.]

 

[WEBMASTER'S NOTE: Sir Bamm!'s "Safecall Guide" has been moved to http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/bamm02.cfm.]

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