Before you write ...
If you have questions for me about BDSM or Leather, I'm flattered that you would write me. But please make a little effort to find the answers yourself before asking me to provide them for me.
I've built my website for easy navigation and for quick retrieval of information. It just takes a little investment of time and effort to find it -- not much more (and hopefully less) than the effort it takes to find my e-mail address and write me.
Here's a list of my most frequently asked questions and the locations of my answers:
- Question: Is there a group in my area?
- Question: Can you find me a partner?
Answer: No. But with a little effort you might find one for yourself. Start here: Dating and Communication
- Question: How do I do I find a partner safely?
Answer: Start here: Some Notes on Finding a Partner: On-line and Off
- Question: How do I dominate my partner? ("SEND ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT DOMINATION QUICKLY! I'VE JUST COLLORED A SUBMISSIVE AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!")
Answer: Start here: An Open Letter to a Novice Domme
- Question: How should I behave in the scene?
Answer: Start here: Some Notes on Protocol and Etiquette
- Question: What do all these terms mean?
Answer: Start here: Glossary of Terms
- Question: Is BDSM Abusive?
Answer: Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. Start here: http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/abuse00.cfm
- Question: Where can I find out more about BDSM?
Answer: Start here: Books and Magazines
While I'm not claiming they're the final word, these articles and resources cover a lot of ground. They're meant to address the major issues that concern people in the scene -- particularly novices. It's easier for me to write on a subject in depth one time and post it on my website then to answer the same question in email numerous times.
If you can't find your aswers here, you can google the questions without my help. For example:
- Question: What does BDSM stand for?
Answer: Google the text string "definition: bdsm"
- Question: Are there munches where I live? (This used to be the most popular question people people would write me.)
Answer: Google, the name of you city (e.g., "san franciso") and "munch."
- Question: What is a "collar of consideration?"
Answer: It sounds to me like the term is self explanatory, but to be safe you should google the phrase "collar of consideration."
Sometimes people have questions but they're very busy and searching for information on their own takes too much time and effort. I sympathize. I am also busy and my time is as valuable to me as it is to them.
If you've searched my site and you've googled your phrase, but can't get a specific question answered, go ahead and write me. I'll try to help. If it's sometime I've already addressed, I'll send a short, friendly reply with the link. If I haven't addressed it yet, this will be an opportunity to send you and answer and post it as another article.
New to BDSM with Lots of Questions
If you are new to the scene and have many questions, I suggest you ...
- Buy a good book on the subject. (See Books and Magazines
- Go through the rest of my site. It might answer questions you didn't know you had.
- Attend a S&M 101 class or weekend conference. Many groups offer S&M 101 classes at regular intervals and weekend conferences take place through out the year.
That said, if your real reason for writing is to start a conversation because you're new to the scene and you want to know someone who's friendly, knowlegable, and safe, then write to me to say "i'm new," mention where you live, and tell me more about your self.
I apologize for being blunt. I'm just not good at picking up social cues.
(Please note that I am not looking for a partner outside my city, but I'd be happy to expend a reasonable effort at welcoming novices to the scene.)
Again, I enjoy hearing from other people in the scene and I understand that a lot of novices are nervous and uncertain. If you have a question for which you can't seem to find an answer, go ahead and write me. I won't bite -- unless you ask very nice, live near me, and I decide I like you.
Unless they are clerical jokes or pertain to BDSM, please don't send me jokes, advertisements, virus alerts, or petitions. Anything that you choose to forward, please trim the emails so that I don't have to scroll several screen before I get to the content.
Except for spam and abusive threats, I try to answer all my email -- eventually. If you've written me and you've never received a reply, it's most likely for three very simple reasons:
- You have set your email preferences to filter out spam and the filtering program or service has misidentified me as a spammer. (See the Spam from Me? section below.)
- Your "reply to" address doesn't work. More often than you'd expect I get emails from people (sometimes desperate for advice) but when I reply, my messages bounce back as undeliverable. firstname.lastname@example.org sent me a blank message. When I wrote her back for clarification the message was undeliverable. If you've written me and you haven't even gotten a courtesy reply from me try this: Send yourself a test message and reply to it. If your reply to your test message bounces back from the server with an error message saying the message was undeliverable then you need to call your ISP's help desk to help you fix your email settings.
- I messed up. I intended to write you back but I got distracted and lost track of your email.
Spam from Me?
Let me make this crystal clear: I don't send spam. If you think you're receiving unsolicited commercial email from me there are three possible explanations:
- If you're getting my "Ambrosio BDSM News" emails, you might have subscribed to that mailing list and replied to the confirmation message. If you don't want those mailings then you can send an email to the "unsubscribe email address" listed at the bottom of the message. Don't send me a message asking me to remove you from the mailing list. It's just as easy for you to send an email to the "unsubscribe email address" as it is to send me a curt note ordering me to unsubscribe you. It's also more efficient, effective, and polite.
- If you've received a personal ad from me then most like you've subscribed to the "BDSM Texas Personals Mailing List" a long time ago. It's a rarely used mailing list and I think I'm the only subscriber who actually posts to it. If you don't want those mailings, simply send an email to email@example.com .
- If you're getting obvious spam that appears to come from one of my email addresses, before you report me as an abusive spammer, please consider that my email address has been "spoofed" -- faked by a spammer who wishes to hide his identity by replacing his "from" address and "reply to" address with mine. In August 2003 I received bounced emails of messages that I had never sent to addresses I didn't recognize. They contained subject headers such as "Great deals," "Rx Center," "Med source," "We can ship right to your door," "Home shopping pharmacy," "Discount scripts," "We Can Help Your Debt Problems!," "Free Debt Review," and "we value you." I never sent those messages but apparently they had my email address in the "reply to" header. For more information about spoofing and spam and how to deal with them please visit About Spam Headers, Interpret Headers, and specific instructions for viewing email headers in different email programs. If you're going to report this spam to your ISP or my ISP, please be sure to include all the headers. They will indicate from where the spam originated.
I hate spam and I wouldn't inflict it on others.
For Spam-Mongers Only
Please don't send me any unsolicited commercial emails. If you must, use these email addresses:
Spambots are computer programs that browse the web looking for email addresses to add to spam databases. Why am I suggesting that spambots use these addresses?
- firstname.lastname@example.org and email@example.com are addresses that return email back to the original sender even when the spamers are using a fake return address. (Or so I've read. I haven't tested it successfully myself. My ISP's Remote SMTP server has rejected the addresses with an explanation that I'm not allowed to use them.) Since I don't use my browser's built in email client, I have one of these addresses listed in my preferences. If any website snatches the address from my browser, it won't work.
- I'm listing firstname.lastname@example.org, so that the spamers save me the trouble of my reporting them to Gmail.
- Netemail@example.com is an email address for the Internal Revenue Service. Send them any hair brained get rich schemes and pyramid scams. They'd be more interested than I would.
- The FTC's e-mail address for consumers to use in reporting and forwarding unwanted spam e-mail is firstname.lastname@example.org.
If you send me spam, I hope you burn in heck.
Alternatives to Email
If you want to communicate in real time your best bet is to send me an email to set an appointment to chat via an Instant Messenger program or Discord. I rarely use IM or Discord unless I'm going to chat with a specific someone at a specific time. I just don't IM causually. (For more information on privacy visit my Privacy Page.)
If you are on FetLife, you can send me a message on from my profile page.
One Last Note
Sometime ago my web host's email form function stopped working.
I apologize if you've tried to contact me through the form in the past and I never replied. Chances are I never received the email.
For the time being, I'm using an old fashion mailto link to let people send me messages.