BDSM Manners & Traditions
C O N T E N T S
In the Scene
- "Play Nice: Some Notes on Scene Etiquette and Leather Protocol" by Ambrosio at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/protocol.cfm
- Part 1: General Principles
- Part 2: More Specific Guidelines
- Part 3: Cruising With Class
- Part 4: Play Parties
- Part 5: Flagging, Symbols, and Rituals
- Part 6: A Few Notes on High Protocol
- Part 7: In Closing
- The Entire Article on a Single Page
- "Etiquette for the Scene" by Rose at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/etiquette.cfm
- "Civility and Incivility in the Scene" by
Chris M[Black Rose of Washington DC] at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/chrism01.cfm
- A Proposed "Pansexual Protocol" by Ambrosio
- "To Share or Not to Share?" by Rowan Ste. Julian at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/share.cfm
- "Introduction to Postures and Training in the European Tradition" by Hromovy is located on the NLA: Austin web site at http://www.nla-austin.org/docs/
- "Commandments: Ten Rules for Dominants / Ten Rules for Submissives" (from the SOJ) at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/t10c.cfm
- A Leather Bar Hanky Code at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/hankcode.cfm
- For further reading, there is an etiquette guide for alternative sexuality and lifestyle situtations including but not limited to BDSM: Campbell, Drew, The Bride Wore Black Leather ... and he looked fabulous! Greenery Press: Emeryville, 2000.
"Think of three Things, whence you came, where you are going, and to whom you must account."
- Benjamin Franklin
- Benjamin Franklin
- The previously listed "Play Nice: Some Notes on Scene Etiquette and Leather Protocol" by Ambrosio at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/protocol.cfm contains a section on party etiquette.
- What To Expect At a Play Party by
- The "SSB-B (Soc.Subculture.Bondage-Bdsm) FAQ" at has a section about what to expect at a play party at http://www.unrealities.com/adult/ssbb/b2.htm
- "My Experience with Play Parties" by Heidi, the impudent guttersnipe at http//:www.io.com/~ambrosio/startnew/heidi.cfm
- Sample Party Rules: SAS/M's old party rules offered as an example of what to expect at most group sponsored play parties. (Note: These are the old party rules. The official party rules have since been revised.)
"Old Guard" Traditions
- The Old Guard History, Origins and Traditions By
Guy Baldwin, M.S.(from The Ties That Bind)
- Old Guard? If You say so. by
Joseph W. Bean
- The Myth of the Old Guard by
Jack Rinellafrom his Leather Views site.
- Old Guard, New Guard by
- An Essay About "the Old Days" by Jay Wiseman
- Multiple Tops: Master, Mistress and Daddy Makes Three by
Master L.J.E.An Old Guard view of 'Net Generation polyamoury.
- Marginalia on the Old Guard, Leather Traditions, and BDSM History by Ambrosio
- Rover's column in the December 1973 issue of California Scene Magazine: Earlierst documented use of the phrase "old guard" in a Leather context.
- Why Old Guard? by David Masterson
- What is Gor? by Silk: A thoughtful article on the Gor phenomena.
- Chain gang By Julia Gracen: a fascinating, well written, and insightful Salon.com article about the Gor community.
- House Plants of Gor: A parody of the Gor novels
- Golfers of Gor: another parody of the Gor novels
The Koran - 4:3
BDSM: The 'Net Generation
- Polyamory and BDSM
- "Choices, choices: Polyamory and monogamy in BDSM relationships" by non-famous Lauren is part of a series of articles entitled "Out of the Shadows: About BDSM" at http://www.sexuality.org/l/subnet/AboutBDSM.htmlet/
Religion, Spirituality, and BDSM
- Sado-masochistic Ritual in a Thelemic Context by Raven Greywalker (Lilith)
- Feminism, Wicca, and D/s by Rowan Ste. Julian
- "Masochism as a Spiritual Path" from Dorothy Hayden's SexTreatment.com: "Whereas psychology considered masochism as a disease, pre-nineteenth century religion regarded it as a cure. The ancients were in touch with the spiritual, physical and emotional value of masochism. For them, it was an essential part of reality; a combination of the soul in a tortured state, rapturous delight, exquisite pain and unbearable passion that brought them closer to experiencing union with something greater than their individual egos."
- Christians and BDSM: A site that discusses Christian principals for BDSM and has places to post your views and/or meet with others.
- Christian Domestic Discipline: Loving Wife Spanking in a Christian Marriage. A haven for married couples who practice safe and consensual Christian Domestic Discipline, or for those who would like to learn more about it. The site reads in part: "Though we recognize by its very nature this subject can be erotic, we will keep this website as clean and wholesome as possible. However, we will not seek to deny the erotic nature of some CDD marriages as we believe it is a natural consequence of following God's plan. After all, He created eroticism to be enjoyed inside a Christian marriage."
- "Wife-Spanking 101: Neither parody nor porn": A feminist response to the Christian Domestic Discipline site.
- Christian FemdomDs:
This list is a forum for members of the Femdom malesub community to discuss all areas of the D/s relationship from a Christian perspective. We are Born Again Christians and we have an eternal commitment to Jesus Christ and a life long commitment to our wife/husband. All couples involved in a lifestyle Femdom D/s relationship or are interested to learn about the relationship are welcome to join the list. Singles may also join the list if they are seeking to have a lifestyle Femdom relationship with their future spouse. We now allow Christian Femdom Singles Personal Ads that are in good taste on this list.
Yahoo eGroup: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Christian_FemdomDs
It is a forum to discuss BDSM and Ds from a Christian perspective. You may join if you are not a Christian as long as you respect those values. We are open to both Maledom and Femdom relationships.
Yahoo eGroup: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ChristianDs
Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy.
It does not boast, it is not proud
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered
It keeps no record of wrongs
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres
1 Corinthians 13
Resources for Historical Research
- History of Our Leather-S/M-Fetish Subculture and Communities: towards a bibliography compiled by slave david stein
- American Fetish: This site will identify resources to aid those conducting scholarly investigations of SM and fetishism.
- Datenschlag Chronicle of Sadomasochism
- The Leather Archives and Museum: The Chicago institution that preserves our leather history. The website for LA&M has an invaluable resources in its leather history timeline and the newsletters.
- The Colors of Leather: An on-line archive of Club Patches and other memorabilia
Polite Behavior for Vampyres
- The Black Veil V.2: A Voluntary Code of Conduct for Vampyres/Vampires by Michelle Belanger
Behaving Well Inside and Outside the Scene
The BDSM world is an extention of the larger world and the etiquette and protocols of the larger world still apply -- sometimes to a greater extent. A good dom still says "please" and "thank you" and apologizes when appropriate. A good sub will not push others out of his way when fetching a drink for his dom.
- Etiquette by Emily Post: This is an online republication of the 1922 edition of Emily Post's 627-page first edition Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home (The 1922 edition is the most highly recommended book for High Procotol.)
- Robert's Rules of Order Revised by General Henry M. Robert (1915 version) is posted at http://www.constitution.org/rror/rror--00.htm
- George Washington's "Rules of Civility and Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation"
- Cardinal Newman On Being a Gentleman
- Passage from Jane Austen's Northhanger Abbey
- U. S. Flag Protocol (Title 4)
Click on the image below to order the hardcover facsimile of the original 1922 "Etiquette."