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The Top 10 Most Commonly Found Doms On The Net
- The 'I Am Dom Hear Me Roar' Dom:
All shiny new leather wear, with a belt full of toys just bought at Jack's Whip-O-Rama). Of *course* he knows what to do! He read SM101...and even watched Exit To Eden three whole times!
- The 'I Just Wanna Get Laid' Dom:
Roams the halls of AOL sending IMs to the ladies in the Chateaux telling them "On your knees! I am a Dom and U R my slave!". When he gets irate IMs back from the Domme he just sent to by mistake (what, read a profile? you *must* be kidding, right?), he quickly changes his tune to "R U a FDom? I am your slave! May I lick your boots?".
- The 'Dungeon Slut' Dom:
Has a new 'lady love' each day (sometimes 2 or 3 a day). He swears each time that *this* one is his 'eternal true love'....at least for the next two hours.
- The 'Psycho-Stalker' Dom:
Wants to know *exactly* what you do...every minute of he day and night. Insists on BCCs of all sent mail, and Forwards of all read mail, plus access to your account to check up on you. Do you get the feeling that someone is watching you? With this one, you're probably right.
- The 'I Just Wanna Be Your *Friend*' Dom:
Offers to guide you and protect you....you innocent sweet thing you. Oh, those other 10 subs? Just friends. Really.
- The 'Of Course Im Dom...Uh Oh My Wife Is Home Gotta Run' Dom:
Warning signs: Picks 'no response' on marital status in profile. "No honey you can't call me at home...call my voice mail instead". Often disappears in the middle of a hot n heavy cyber session...uses an excuse like 'my power went out' when asked about it. "Of *course* Im not married!"
- The 'Im Not *That* Type Of Dom' Dom:
Squeaky-clean image. The type of Dom that everyone *knows* is a good guy. He would never do something less than up-front and honorable. Uh-huh.
- The 'Tom Cruise' Dom:
He's young, rich, handsome and perfect....until you meet him in person. Then you find out that the 'Tom Cruise look-alike' you've been subbing to is 5'4", 400 lbs, bald, 48 years old, and living with his elderly mother. (Oh yeah... and he works as a clerk at 7-11...not as a CEO of a 'major corp').
- The 'Alex I'd Like to Buy a Clue For $200' Dom:
Ok, now you've got a sub....now what?
- The 'I Don't Have A Sub Bone In My Body' Dom:
Really a bottom at heart, just refuses to admit it...even to himself.
And just in case you submissives out there thought you were off the hook....
Top 7 Subs
- POOR-ME SUB:
This "sub" always has something going wrong in her life. Of course, it is never her fault.. she is always being played upon and victimized by others. If only she found the *perfect* dom, her life would be problem-free and forever-blissful.
Favorite IM to send: "Will you be my dom, sir? I am just a helpless little subbie."
Favorite IM to receive: "Just do what I say, slave!"
- JUST-DO-ME SUB:
This "sub" just wants to be beaten. It doesn't really matter by who, or what..as long as he (I use "he" here because these are typically male) can feel the lash. Frequently misbehaving on purpose, this sub can drive a dom *crazy*.
Favorite IM to send: "I have been naughty and need to be punished. Spank me now, Mistress!"
Favortie IM to receive: "You are a bad sub and need to be punished! Bendover!"
This "sub" just likes the way she looks in leather fashions. She is afraid of the whip, and has never seen a clamp in her life. Her favorite store is "Dream Dresser", and her whole paycheck is spent there each week.
Favorite IM to send: "Would you like to know what I am wearing, sir?"
Favorite IM to receive: "What are you wearing?"
- HE-HURT-ME SUB:
This "sub", without any negotiations, talk of limits or safewords, rushes out to a country cabin to to play with a dom she met 2 days ago online. After letting him tie her up and whip her, she decides he is a menace to society, and can't wait to tell all her "sub" friends he is a "BAD dom".
Favorite IM to send: "Subsis, I need to pass on a warning to you!"
Favorite IM to receive: "My poor subsis, you have got to warn everyone about this creep!"
- I-JUST-NEED-A-MAN SUB:
This "sub", after exhausting all her singles bar and healthclub meting places, decides that the D/s world would be a good place to meet a *man*. she really has no interest in D/s, she just needs someone to spend the rest of her life with. She is a close relative of POOR-ME SUB. Amazingly, when she "gets her dom", she suddenly looses interest in any type of sex.
Favorite IM to send: "Sir, will you take care of me forever?"
Favorite IM to receive: "I have always dreamed of having a large family."
- NO-ONE-CAN-TOP-ME SUB:
This "sub" longs to submit, yet claims no dom is strong enough to top her. Some say she is really just a domme in disguise.
Favorite IM to send: "Think you are strong enough to put me in my place,jerk?"
Favorite IM to receive: "No, Mistress, I am really just a weak and helpless slave. ::falling to the floor and kissing your boots::
- SUBMISSION IS THE GREATEST GIFT Submissive:
This submissive has stars in her eyes and naivity in her heart. She swoons at the mere thought of a dom, any dom, asking her to pass the salt. She writes her dom's name in the corner of her notebook with little hearts and flowers around it. She declares that there is no better way to love than through submission, and that d/s is a "better" and "higher" manner of loving than anything a silly old vanilla person might do. She lives on an emotional roller-coaster, sentimental enough to cry when seeing a long-distance phone company commercial.
Favorite IM to send: "You are all of life to me, there is nothing about life worthwhile without you."
Favorite IM to receive: "I am everything you'll ever want or need, and I'll protect you from every thing."
- My Hot Little bitch was insatiable for my touch and shameless in public. Here she is photo lying on her back on the grass with her legs spread wearing nothing but her collar. I took the picture in broad day light at a public park!
- A Visit from St. Nicholas to a Kinky Household
- BDSM Jokes including "You Might Be A Wannabe sub...." and "You Might Be A Wannabe Dom...."
- Parodies of the Gor novels
- The Top 10 Most Commonly Found Doms On The Net and The Top 7 Most Commonly Found Subs On The Net
- The Good Wife's Guide
- The Care and Keep of the Male Slave from Kids in the Hall
- A Surprising Discovery by Ambrosio
- Additional humor links can be found on under the Humor heading in EvilMonk.org's "Miscellaneous Pages" section.
These links are meant to be humorous. Your experience may vary.