A Proposed "Pansexual Protocol"

First Posted: 4 March 2008
Revised: 17 July 2013

Dedicated to Karen J., KY Leatherwoman

In the areas of leather protocol and BDSM etiquette, one topic that seems to get less attention than most is pansexual protocol. (Here "pansexual protocol" is the term I'm using for LGBT - Straight interactions in BSDM and Leather settings.) Most discussions of BDSM etiquette and Leather protocol concern themselves with collars, master's hats, and hanky codes. What seems to be lacking is advice about how to interact with someone with a contrasting sexual orientation. For example: How would I --- being a straight man --- turn down a leatherman's attempt to "cruise" me? How would I treat a femme leatherwoman differently from a butch leatherwoman?

The items that follow are my attempt to create a "pansexual protocol" (largely from the perspective of a straight man.)

Admittedly, these guidelines are subjective. Some of them represent my opinions and my impressions of communities with which I'm not an expert. Many of them I have learned directly from the leather men and leather women who have patiently explained them to me. I hope that any errors I've made here will be forgiven and addressed constructively.

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Further Reading on Etiquette in General

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Further Etiquette and Protocol Links

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