BDSM Play Partner Check List

Older (Static) Version

This is a copy of a checklist I found on a usenet newsgroup in in the mid 90s. It's been reposted on numerous other Internet sites including http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/checklst.txt, the Crave Web Site, the discontinued Castle Realm web site, the discontinued ^cat^'s House and Dungeon web site, and the discontinued D/s Kiosk web site.

The original checklist has been attributed to "JillM" but it has been further expanded by the late Tammad Rimilia with contributions by Mistress Kim, Iron Rose, Lee, and others. Tammad had given me permission to "deep link" to his most recent revision but his web site is no longer on-line.

This version of the checklist remains largely the same as I found it --- how it was after Tammad Rimilia updated it in the mid 90's. I haven't changed the formatting or the content of the list or added the dynamic prgramming like I have elsewhere. For the revise, dynamic versions of the list, follow these links:

Another variation is available in Word 6 format for your easy modifications and printing convenience.

Ambrosio

This questionaire should be filled out by a Sub and provided to their Dom/Top before playing with them. This will provide a quick "head-start" to identifying limits, negotiating and finding common ground for play.

For each item, you need to provide two answers: Select one answer for the Experience column.

Then select another another answer from the Willingness column to rate how you FEEL about that activity and how willing you are to do it.

NO	means you will NOT do that item under any circumstances (a hard limit).
0 (zero)	indicates you have utterly no desire to do that activity and don't like doing it (in fact, may loath it) and would ordinarily object to doing it, but you would be willing to do it to please the Dominant if it they really wanted it. (sometimes called a "soft limit").
1	means you don't want to do or like to do this activity, but wouldn't object if it was asked of you.
2	means you are willing to do this activity, but it has no special appeal for you.
3	means you usually like doing this activity, at least on an irregular/ occasional basis.
4	means you like doing this activity, and would like to experience it on a regular basis.
5	means the activity is a wild turn-on for you, and you would like it as often as possible.
*	Mark with an asterisk (*) those items which you are willing to do only with you current sex partner(s), but not with casual play-partners.

Note any additional information which might be important for your Dom to know.

There is intentionally some overlap between categories. Unless otherwise stated, the Sub is the recipient of the activity.

Activities	Experience: yes/no,	Willingness
Abrasion	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Age play	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Anal sex	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Anal plugs (small)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Anal plugs (large)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Anal plug (public, under clothes)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Animal roles	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Arm & leg sleeves (armbinders)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Asphyxiation	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Auctioned for charity	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Bathroom use control	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Beastiality	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Beating (soft)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Beating (hard)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Blindfolds	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Being serviced (sexual)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Being bitten	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Breast/chest bondage	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Breath control	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Branding	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Boot worship	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Bondage (light)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Bondage (heavy)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Bondage (multi-day)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Bondage (public, under clothing)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Breast whipping	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Brown showers (scat)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Cages (locked inside of)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Caning	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Catheterization	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Cells/Closets (locked inside of)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Chastity belts	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Chaueffering	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Choking	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Clothespins	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Cock worship	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Collars (worn in private)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Collars (worn in public)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Competitions (with other Subs)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Corsets (wearing)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Cuffs (leather)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Cuffs (metal)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Cutting	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Dilation	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Double penetration	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Electricity	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Enemas	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Enforced chastity	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Examinations (physical)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Exercise (forced/required)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Exhibitionism (friends)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Exhibitionism (strangers)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Eye contact restrictions	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Face slapping	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Fantasy abandonment	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Fantasy rape	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Fantasy gang-rape	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Fisting (anal)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Fisting (vaginal)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Following orders	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Foot worship	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Forced dressing	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Forced homosexuality	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Forced masturbation	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Forced nudity (private)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Forced nudity (around others)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Forced servitude	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Full head hoods	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Gags (cloth)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Gags (rubber)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Gags (tape)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Gates of Hell (male)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Genital sex	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Given away to another Dom (temp)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Given away to another Dom (perm)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Golden showers	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Hairbrush spankings	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Hair pulling	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Hand jobs (giving)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Hand jobs (receiving)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Harems (serving w/other subs)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Harnessing (leather)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Harnessing (rope)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Having food chosen for you	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Having clothing chosen for you	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Head (giving fellatio)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Head (receiving fellatio)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
High heel worship	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Homage with toungue (non-sexual)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Hot oils (on genitals)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Hot waxing	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Housework (doing)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Human puppy dog	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Humiliation (private)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Humiliation (public)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Hypnotism	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Ice cubes	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Infantalism	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Initiation rites	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Injections	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Intricate (Japanese) rope bondage	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Interrogations	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Kidnapping	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Kneeling	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Leather clothing	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Leather restraints	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Lectures for misbehavior	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Licking (non-sexual)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Manacles & Irons	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Manacures (giving)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Massage (giving)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Massage (receiving)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Medical scenes	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Modeling for erotic photos	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Mouth bits	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Mummification	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Nipple clamps	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Nipple weights	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Oral/anal play (rimming)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Over-the-knee spanking	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Orgasm denial	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Orgasm control	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Outdoor scenes	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Outdoor sex	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Phone sex (serving Dom)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Phone sex (serving Dom's friends)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Piercing (temporary, play-pierce)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Piercing (permanant)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Prison scenes	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Pony slave	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Public exposure	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Pussy/cock whipping	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Pussy worship	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Riding crops	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Riding the 'horse' (crotch torture)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Rituals	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Religious scenes	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Restrictive rules on behavior	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Rubber/latex clothing	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Rope body harness	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Saran wrapping	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Scratching - getting	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Scratching - giving	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Sensory deprivation	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Serving	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Serving as art	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Serving as ashtray	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Serving as furniture	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Serving as a maid	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Serving as toilet	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Serving as waitress/waiter	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Serving orally (sexual)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Serving other doms (supervised)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Serving other doms (unsupervised)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Sexual deprivation (short term)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Sexual deprivation (long term)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Shaving (body hair)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Shaving (head hair)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Sleep deprivation	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Sleepsacks	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Slutty clothing (private)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Slutty clothing (public)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Spanking	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Spandex clothing	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Speech restrictions (when, what)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Speculums (Anal)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Speculums (vaginal)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Spreader bars	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Standing in corner	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Stocks	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Straight jackets	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Strap-on-dildos (sucking on)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Strap-on-dildos (penetrated by)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Strap-on-dildos (wearing)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Strapping (full body beating)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Suspension (upright)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Suspension (inverted)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Suspension (horizontal)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Supplying new partners for Dom	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Swallowing semen	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Swallowing urine	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Swapping (with one other couple)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Swinging (multiple couples)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Tattooing	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Teasing	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Tickling	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Triple penetration	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Uniforms	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Including others	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Vaginal dildo	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Verbal humiliation	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Vibrator on genitals	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Voyeurism (watching others)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Voyeurism (your Dom w/others)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Video (watching others)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Video (recordings of you)	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Water torture	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Wearing symbolic jewelery	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Whipping	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Wooden paddles	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5
Wrestling	Yes / No	No 0 1 2 3 4 5

Willingness quick-key:
? Don't understand this item.
* I will do with current sex partner only.
NO I WILL NOT DO that item under ANY circumstances (a hard limit).
0 No desire, don't like, will permit if special to Dom
(a soft limit).
1 Don't want to do, but will.
2 Willing to do, but has no special appeal.
3 Usually LIKE doing, on an irregular/ occasional basis.
4 LIKE doing, would like it on a regular basis.
5 WILD TURN-ON, would like it as often as possible.

Introduction
Activities Listed in Traditional Alphabetical Format
Activities Grouped by Categories
Older version in Word 6 format: Static version for printing and completing by hand --- but reformatted by baebe in Microsoft Word 6 for a better appearance.

Negotiation in the SSB-B (Soc.Subculture.Bondage-Bdsm) FAQ
Negotiation and Negotiation Forms by Jay Wiseman
Negotiations by Sir Bamm!
Fill out a negotiation form and checklist like the frequently reposted Submissive BDSM Play Partner Check List. In addition to HTML, I've posted it in Word 6 format which prints better. (My thanks to baebe for her work in revising the MS Word doc.)
Soulhaven's BDSM Checklist: Another online checklist but more extensive, flexible, and dynamic list than mine. The owners write "The BDSM Play Partner Checklist is a convenient way of finding out where someone's interests lie. Just because someone's a Dom/me, it doesn't mean that every sub is perfect for them, or vice-versa. The checklist allows you to let people know both whether or not you've participated in a given activity before and also how you feel about it. It's a great way of getting a basic feel for where someone's limits and squicks lie, though - of course - it's no substitute for taking a lot of time to discover a partner's limits gently and safely and shouldn't be used as such."